I haven’t painted in almost a year

The last painting I completed was in May 2025. I’m a little shocked it’s been this long because I thought I was naturally approaching a creative peak in finding my own unique artistic expression. Furthermore, I thought the momentum from that discovery would flow continuously for a while, but there were some subtle signs that I was going to need to take a break.

The first sign was losing my iPad which housed all my painting drafts. Sketches in the dozens gone except for 1.

And I immediately got a new iPad to replace the one that was lost.

However, losing that iPad placed a sensitivity on me that I just couldn’t shake. I used to freehand a lot more often and naturally with the availability of technology, I leaned more on sketching digitally and I moved further away from pencil and paper. But the inkling to start free handing again was planted in me and slowly, daily, the cue became louder and louder. It felt like I needed to revisit an old method if only just to prove to myself that I still knew how to draw without any guardrails.

And then I lost my second iPad and rather than be upset I just took it as a sign that God really needed me to get back to freehand drawing. Not to mention that the way in which I lost the iPad was so bizarre and part of me feels like it’s not really lost, it’s just hiding for now until it’s time to reveal itself. Nevertheless, it’s missing for now. So, I’m imbuing unmovable belief in myself that I know how to draw. That I know how to build scenes from my imagination without having to depend on a reference photo and I just need to give myself some grace and time to build up a muscle memory that feels a little atrophied.

The second sign was the desire to see the completion of my flower chess set.

I’ve been slowly building it from the trenches of my creative reservoirs for the last three years and 2025 was going to be the year I finished. Well, it’s 2026 and it’s still not finished. However, since I have not painted in almost a year and I’ve lost my iPad being the tool that was helping me create these paintings, I decided to re-direct my creative energy into completing the chess set. As it stands, I’m about 75% down which is lightyears closer than I was this time last year.

I think in writing this, my takeaways are an artist’s path is non-linear. I detoured onto an art side quest and put down the paint brush which brought me to a bevy of questions that I needed to answer internally about where I want to go with my art.

If I am completely honest the home decor/sculptural space piques an interest for me.

And when I put the paint brush down almost a year ago, I didn’t realize a two-week break would turn into a year hiatus. I’m itching to get back to my canvases in my new bigger studio and I’m hoping I gained some wisdom in giving myself a little more freedom in my technique and artistry. Still at my core, I want to make art that is beautiful, intuitive, and symbolic of a love letter but I’m trying to be more flexible with how my art is interpreted. Consequentially, I’m both curious and eager to see where the chess side quest takes me and how my art involves going forward.

An Overdue Introduction

Recently I changed my Instagram handle to reflect closer to who I am as the artist behind Flowest Swap Meet. And in doing so, I realized I’ve never properly introduced myself and what Flowest Swap Meet is and what it’s about.

Hi. My name is Arrow and I go by the artist's name, Flowest. Flowessst is you ever come across me on other socials. I’ve recently adopted the artist's name because I wanted to create a clearer connection between who I am and the art that I’m presenting to my audience. I’m a Los Angeles native; 2nd generation born and raised, in other words a unicorn. I’ve made art my entire life but professionally I’ve been on this journey since 2020 when it felt irresponsible to not change with the world. I create art built on the foundation of knowing yourself and your purpose, embracing dualities of life, and recognizing modalities and avenues to connect with God. Sometimes I take a few sidequests but for the majority of my art, I like to use the vehicle of fashion to exhibit these foundational pillars as it’s something that I’ve always enjoyed playing with and it’s an industry that I currently work in. Fashion is a passion project, and Art is part of my purpose. The two naturally collide and allow me to co-create with the talents bestowed upon me.

As the artist Flowest, I created Flowest Swap Meet as a digital gallery. Currently housing only my works but I look to the future where it could become a space to house the works of many artists playing in the same themes in their own artwork. Just as a swap meet does, I want it to be a gathering where artists and audience exchange ideals, collect and trade pieces, and revel in common cultural interest.

What’s In Your 4th House?

The thoughts that flood my mind when I view the work of my favorite artists could be 99.7% whittled down to “How did they come up with this?” It’s a thought of both fascination and admiration. I look at James Jean and contemplate how he processes pairing color and subject matter. When I look at Monica Ikegwu’s work, I admire her unique style in figurative painting and her ability to capture a person’s essence in her paintings. Cristina Martinez engages childlike wonder and experimentation that encourages self-love when I look at her pieces. I find that these are recurring themes, and this can influence what I hope to convey with my own artwork.

While at times, it can feel repetitive to deliver artwork with similar core themes, What’s In Your Fourth House? reaches back to the most prominent theme of Flowest Swap Meet, being the acceptance of duality and venerating the complexities of life. The good and the bad. The light and the shadow. The internal and external. I’ve elaborated on my internal conflicts and recognized my shadow in both art and writing. As I’ve created What’s In Your 4th House?, I’ve noticed my acknowledgment of the external auras and individuals in my own family that contribute to the fullness of me being a WHOLE person.

What started as honoring the matriarchs in my life seems to be evolving. I don’t know where the concept for this series originated from, but what I can confirm is that this new series of artwork is an amalgamation of intentionally chosen small pieces to honor the broader story of family.

Numbers

I’ve stumbled on something I like to incorporate into my paintings as both a style and a life map. I actualized this new concept in my creation of Union, which saw me incorporating the number synchronicities that appeared to me in the year that I ideated and completed my first self portrait. I believe in synchronicities as messages from God, the angels, and my ancestors. The synchronicities are both affirmations of direction and nudges to realign. Discernment from God is the tool to distinguish which is which at times. In analyzing the significance and patterns of synchronicities, the influence of life path numbers became apparent. Layman’s understanding of a life path number is a core numerology number derived from your birth date, representing your unique character, destiny, and life’s lessons. What I enjoy most about the concept of numerology is that it appears to have both secular and religious value. It exists in a dual Venn diagram of these often competing concepts, and because of this, I believe it to be of compelling value in my life.

I believe numerology to be a tool from God. And when I observe the people closest to me, I see how their individual life path numbers hold true to their life’s mission. I like to view the life path number as the external, the bubble, and the macro level. Many share the same life path number, but theirs might not be a shared journey to accomplish the missions associated with a life path number.

For example:

“The Life Path number 8 personality is one of hard work and hard lessons. People born with this Life Path number get their worth from accomplishing great things -- the bigger the goal, the more satisfying it feels when they achieve it…People with this Life Path direct all their energy into creating a life of success and abundance.

Because they are leaders themselves and are supremely confident in their abilities, they don’t take kindly to being told what to do -- especially if it goes against what they would choose to do. Life Path 8 people, too, can also come across as authoritative and must learn that all relationships are about harmony.

With all the work these Life path people put into reaching their goals and feeling accomplished, they would be wise to pay attention to their health. Stress is the all-too-familiar enemy of those born with the 8 Life Path number, and, if allowed, it will slow down or deter these people on their path to reaching their goals. Making time for meditation, friendship, and enjoyable pursuits helps to bring things back into balance. Health is wealth, so maintaining a healthy lifestyle should be a top priority.

When it comes to relationships, people with an 8 Life Path will put in the same work and dedication that they put into everything else. They do well in long-term situations, but these relationships may look more like business arrangements than passionate love affairs. They know they are self-sufficient, but when they see that they are prosperous enough to also provide for loved ones, to them, that’s proof of success”

All that to say: Many share the a mission (life path number) but how we accomplish that mission is individually owned. Numbers are everywhere, so why wouldn’t God, our angels, and our ancestors use them as tools to communicate with us. But I digress because I’m not here to give a dissertation on numerology.

When looking at my paintings, I encourage you to see the external and identify the life path numbers weaved into the backgrounds. And knowing that a life path number encompasses one’s birth date, I like to incorporate these numbers into the micro by including them in the fabric and designs of the subject’s garment. I don’t like to flat out give someone’s birthday because I believe it to be as personal as a social security number, but understand these are unique perspectives associated to each individual that almost ensures that our journey is exclusive to us as we co-create with God. Part of that co-creation comes into play by including focal elements of nature. The natural world is God’s artwork, and I’m keen to let this work inspire me and guide my practice.

Nature - God’s Artwork

In my practice, I like to have a theme that carries across all artworks of a series. The theme of this specific series comes from what I would attribute to an unlikely yet odd source. In the thick of creating High Vibrations, I was consulted by my then partner that I should paint coral. This was a solid idea, but it wasn’t one that I was ready to start giving attention to, so I stored it away for a later day.

Internal thought: the man is a fellow creative, so I wouldn’t look too much into my use of unlikely and odd. These are good things.

As I created Balance and explored Union, I saw an opportunity to further my studies in my own framework and style. I decided to make something of nature a focal element in my artwork. I stumbled upon this by specifically looking at the flowers I incorporated in the design of Arenal. I was leaving little Easter eggs throughout my work, and the idea I thought I had stumbled upon, I was already implementing. Just like Arenal, I once again enmeshed the natural into the art by deciding to make coral a fashion theme for this new series of work. I used a variety of different corals to incorporate, like staghorn coral, lettuce leaf, bubble coral, and many others. It became a design element in both paintings and digital drawings as well.

Now I want to add that I didn’t just say yes to incorporating coral into my artwork just because the idea was given to me. There has to be a spiritual element for me to move forward with a potential theme, so I looked into the significance of coral. Coral carries signifiers of vitality, fertility, and protection. Coral is a mother. It provides shelter, safety, and medicine to a variety of marine life. And it is revered within that overlapping of both secular and religious ideals, as it was also associated with Christ’s blood and passion. It has cultural significance across many cultures like Chinese culture, where it was worn by emperors to protect and ward off evil. Native Americans believe it to have healing and purification properties. And in Buddhism, coral is considered one of the seven treasures in Buddhism and is used to make offerings to Buddha and decorate statues. Coral is a symbol of the cycle of life. As a motif, coral has no direct correlation to the concept of family, but accounting for the symbolism of coral and all that it represents, it feels familial. And when I study the modalities of divine communication and how God gives us tools and clues for our life’s mission on Earth, I look at the 4th House.

4th House

The 4th house has associations with an individual’s history and roots; Looking into the home, the family, the ancestors, and our deepest emotional well-being. It gives us perspective on our past experiences while also anchoring us in making decisions for our present and future moments. This house is an area of personal development where we inherit emotional responses and familial patterns, but with recognition of these structures in this area of our personality, there is an opportunity to create safe and supportive environments that foster profound change that will carry to our descendants and add to the connections that are created in the 4th house. The correlation between the significance of the 4th house and paintings of the matriarchs in my family manifested organically, and this aspect of astrology just peaked my interest by pure coincidence. I’ve been commending this journey in recognizing my familial ties and honoring them fairly recently and while I’m carrying this mission, I’m creating a more nurturing and harmonious home life. Therefore, the title “What’s in your 4th house” is both a recognition of my own journey and an invitation to observe what’s in yours as well.

As I look more into it, I see that love and admiration is in my 4th house regardless of the challenges that arise. And furthermore, I’m once again immensely grateful for the individuals that God has placed around me. If you’ve ever heard someone say “ God don’t play about me”, this recognition is one of those examples because I’ve been able to be surrounded by individuals who have taught me the value of having integrity and strong morals and holding love as a founding principle in my life. And again, that’s not to say life is without challenges, but I admire the souls that are in my fourth house.

Epilogue

Now this can all seem esoteric for those who have a very limited view of God. And this type of thinking and communion with God is not for everyone. I invite you to examine only where you are putting human limits on the divine being that is God. As I’ve mentioned multiple times before, God gives us many tools to understand not only ourselves but also to have communion and form connection with the divine and our higher selves. God speaks to us all differently, and with the methods I have touched on, I’m finding more ways to find God that exists outside of the Church and religious texts.

If you’ve read to the end of this discourse and you vibe with what I’m putting down…WELCOME! I hope we can further a dialogue in the comments. If you’ve gotten to the end and feel discomfort…WELCOME, and I also look forward to furthering this conversation, but mind yourself because God is still working on me :). Overall, I hope you take the time to go look at my artwork at www.flowestswapmeet.com and espy whatever emotions, feelings, and thoughts arise. I look forward to continuing this co-creation journey with God.

Woman at the Garden

This will be vulnerable and maybe a little chaotic because this stream of thought was rapid and insightful

I struggle with external validation in the art space.

I think this is the first time that I’ve ever verbally expressed it out loud not only to myself but also as a teachable moment of what little slithers of myself are still needing to emerge from the shadows.

Now I am a very confident individual in my abilities and I’m not really struggling in terms of perception. I’m more so struggling with the idea that I know that I am an extremely talented person when it comes to art but I feel like I’m not getting the external traction that I need to take my craft to the next level.

80% of my waking moments are spent ideating and creating art and ways to market my art. The creation process comes rather naturally to me but the marketing part is still an area that I’m actively working to improve. Marketing feels like putting all my shit out on front street and opening myself to an array of unknown things. While also inviting others to look through the window of my creative process is a great way to create community, I have the perception that it is also a double edged sword because I’m inviting in feedback and criticism from others who don’t know me as well as I know me. I want people to feel moved by my artwork and to in turn validate themselves because as I’ve said repeatedly in multiple different ways; our journeys are unique to us individually. We may share a goal, a purpose, or an ideal as others both in and out of our immediate environment but the ways in which we pursue these desires can be significantly different. We have similar experiences but there are also very different on the infinitesimal level.

If you read this far and I have as well because this is bullet train of thoughts, I’ve mentioned all this to provide the gist that validation comes in both the external and internal ways and I don’t believe any is better than the other but rather there needs to be a balance between the two. What that balance looks like is up to you.

I’ve also come to realize that I should provide context to what spurred these raging thoughts on validation.

Story Time:

I had the briefest of interactions with an individual who I barely know. This individual saw a picture of me painting and decided to comment “..I see some skills there most definitely”.

If my head could have spun around on my shoulders, it most definitely would have.

Reflections:

My initial thoughts were who is this person to try to substantiate my skills? In complete honesty, it felt like this person was trying to humble me and I immediately thought to myself “Not only did I not ask if you see my skills but who are you to comment?”

This train of thought immediately made me want to question whether I was letting my ego in the front seat but that thinking evaporated fast as I reiterated to myself that this person does not know me.

But I thought why is it when external commentary appears that I push it to the side because it feels misplaced but when I’m alone with my thoughts, I’m almost wishing someone would comment on my work. There’s a duality to validation that I think needs to be in a very delicate balance. A balance that is very evidently different for each person. So I sit on it and give it more reflection.

More Reflections:

I think Kendrick Lamar’s “Man at the Garden” gave me the insight I needed. The lyrics of this song were a challenge for me to reflect on what I’ve done in my own practice to claim success and affirm myself why I “deserve it all”. And lo and behold, I FELT LIKE I DO DESERVE IT ALL. And I felt like I came a little closer to balancing the scales between internal and external validation by pondering my struggle with external validation. I’ll never be released of external validation because I want people to absorb my art and interpret it while also absorbing the story I’m trying to tell with each piece and back story.

We’re all navigating this thing called life right…

I explore a lot of modalities when it comes to an individual’s uniqueness and one of them that I am particularly fixated with right now is understanding your birth chart and the different houses in a chart. In my eyes, the chart is a map structured for you and easily accessible when you question whether or not you are losing your way or if you are in divine alignment with God and your soul’s purpose. It’s not the beginning nor the end but it is a tool given to us. I envision my birth chart as the opening thread that links together all the experiences and lessons I have learned and will learn. I only have to be willing to listen to God and my angels and spirits when called upon. I’ve discovered that my faith in myself has to be unshakeable so that when the desire for external validation comes knocking, my foundations are steady and rooted. I feel like that goes without saying but maybe it needs to be said ¯_(ツ)/¯. It’s necessary, so I never lose sight of what I want my art to convey. But also, so the desire for external validation never becomes my guiding principle.

Is this only happening to me?

So I ask, Are we all having the same internal conversations as artists? I hope that we can be more vulnerable about these topics because who doesn’t want to be successful. My hope is that my peers give more outpouring to show that all of us no matter what skill or level we are currently at in our journey, we are all trying to figure something out. We don’t have to wait until we master it because there is relatability and comfort in knowing someone is transversing a path that you are currently taking or will take. It’s the opening thread that encourages community. So I encourage us all to document these moments a little better (myself included) because we uplift each other when we share how we are all trying to figure shit out.

Finding My Stylistic Expression

When I think about how I’ve defined my art before, I can say with utmost confidence that it could not be defined because I did not know what I was doing 😅. I think I’ve started like all other artists emulating the artists I like, drawing cartoons, and starting with the basics like painting flowers. I started small but in the past two years or so, I’ve been on the journey to find my own style. Writing this today, I know I’ve found it with the realms of fashion and artistry.

I think I’ve known that I wanted to be in the fashion industry since I really gave some thought to a career that I would enjoy. When I was in elementary school I used to crotchet clothes with my friends at school. When I was a teenager, I used to design prom dresses for friends. I couldn’t begin to tell you why I enjoyed doing that so much but the idea that someone was even entertained by the thought of wanting to wear my designs was pretty fulfilling. And it’s still something I do and find fulfilling to this day. Though I’ve since then gone to fashion school and actively work in the industry now, I’ve felt a change in the way I would like to contribute to the fashion community. The overconsumption in the industry is frustrating enough to make me want to leave at times. I have no doubt that urge will get stronger and stronger and eventually I won’t be able to continue contributing in the way that I do. But I also know that i will still love the artistry behind fashion. So in 2022, I started working on a way to begin honoring that calling — (Sidebar: if I go even further back, this calling was actually set back in 2020 but that’s for another day 🙃) — I listened to align a divine calling with a hobby. A little co-creation 🙏🏾… and I bridged the desire to want to design fashion with my God given talent for art.

I started with my balance collection in 2022. A collection of indigenous Latin women that signified an exploration of my Mexican culture. The details and inspiration behind that collection has been documented enough. But that journey was definitely a first attempt. An added layer of trial was working purely in digital for the first time. I learned some things about what I liked to view in the composition of my balance collection but it needed more of an organic spirit.

After sitting on it for a minute I noticed that was an opportunity to explore different methods. So I pulled out an old method that I had used before which was painting. I met this expression again in my self-portrait and the way I was beyond geeked is scary. Painting scares the shit out of me 😂. For a while I convinced myself I wasn’t good at it and literally EVERYTIME I finished a painting, I sit back and I’m confused as to why I even told myself that lie. So I leaned in. I decided to paint my community as both a thank you and a moment to uplift. I decided to paint some of my loved ones in the most elegant original designs. A show of the value to which I deeply hold them in my heart. I enjoy the idea of them having a beautiful portrait of themselves hung up in their homes. I think they’re deserving of having beautiful things. But I also drew some digitals of my favorite artists in original designs as well to entertain a momentary trial of styling.

The overwhelming confirmation was… I love painting 😂 and I knew this was my method and subject matter going forward. The style could change again because I still definitely experiment with other expressions and methods but this is where I’m at now. This is definitely just one layer of this new style but I’m going to have to go into detail of that other layer in another blog entry because they just turned down the lights on this work flight and I need to go to sleep so I can get on this other time zone 😴 thank you if you got this far! 🫶🏾✌🏽

Sometimes An Explanation Isn't Coming

I took a trip to NYFW this year with a friend/colleague, I had the opportunity to speak with my friend about the meaning behind our designs, our art, and the ideas we release into the world. I elaborated on how it’s a challenge for me to have to continue speaking about the creativity that I am putting on view for others to ingest and he validated me and that’s all I really needed lol.

He put it in a real perspective for me by saying he could relate because some of the great works being exhibited come from a period of pain and who really wants to keep discussing that. Let me put it in the perspective he did; some people write to transmute their energy. Some people make music. Some people make art. The creative explorations are numerous. And we are using these methods as the vehicle to transmute a cycle or period of life that may have been painful and extremely tough. Like I gotta get this shit off my heart and soul to move on and explore the next step in the journey.

So why I am talking about this?? Because when I made “Union”, my first EVER self-portrait, I was going through a tough time. One of the toughest times in my life. PERIOD. Full stop. And I’ve already alluded on social media to some of the pain I went through that culminated in making this painting and I also alluded that I would go a little more into detail. Well babes, I CHANGED MY MIND. I’m not talking about it anymore because I’m moving on. Ingest the painting and feel what you feel which I hope is joy, love, and enchantment.

What I will elaborate on is that painting that version of myself has led me to a new expression in my art that allows me to bridge both fashion and art together in a way that feels very organic and natural for me. I get to design clothes and grant myself and my subjects the permission to wear these elaborate designs that are uniquely designed to speak to beauty and unique emanation of one’s life journey while balancing surface level beauty in the garments and portrait. Creating these ornamental and embellished designs for my art feeds my inner teenager that was so geeked designing prom dresses for my friends in high school. This expression and medium is allowing me to connect very deeply with little Ariel and teenage Ariel. I’m living.

So all that to say, while there will be no explanation for “Union”, there will be more background and behind the scenes photos and commentary on my artwork in the near future. I asked God to show me how good it can get and i’m going to show y’all just how good God has made it in the next few weeks. Stay locked in with me cause I promise its going to get GOOODDDD ✨💗.